SOCIAL
Planning for the Future
Planning for the Future
It is an unfortunate reality that Carers are seven times more likely than the general population to say they are always or often lonely.
Staying connected with friends, family and your community can be one of the most difficult things to do when your time is taken up by looking after someone.
Many Carers find that the connections they have over time disappear, either because they don’t have the time or ability to socialise, or because friends and family simply don’t understand the demands or nature of their caring role.
Maintaining or creating new connections is one of the most important things we can do for our own health and wellbeing.
Carers UK offer guidance and tips on how to develop closer ties and suggest ways to get further support through forming new friendships:
Now that i’m a Carer, my friends and family have drifted away
Many people find that caring can take over your life and that friends can gradually slip off the radar. The reasons for this can be varied and complicated.
It may help to identify why you’ve lost contact and then look for positive ways to reconnect. Sometimes it’s hard to reconnect over existing difficult circumstances, so look for common ground such as shared interests from past experience.
Even if you are unable to meet in person, there are many ways to strike up the friendship again either online via social media and email, or by letter or phone. Sharing photos can also be a lovely way to break the ice and can lead to interesting discussion.
If you want to explore using technology to connect, the Carers’ Support Service offers free computer tuition to give you the skills you need. If you care for someone who lives in North Lincolnshire call 01652 650585. If you care for someone living in North East Lincolnshire call 01472 242277.
I’ve become isolated and feel i have no friends or family to turn to
It is very common to feel adrift from others. Sometimes family members are not fully aware of how you feel cut off and what you’re going through. It might be helpful to gently remind them how much you would value their support or company from time to time.
Letting them know how much you miss them could be a nice way of opening the conversation. Also see ‘I feel isolated; friends have disappeared’ in the Carers UK relationships section.
Many Carers tell us that having someone pop in for half an hour for a cuppa and a chat a couple of times a week makes a real difference.
The Carers’ Support Service provides a befriending service. A befriender is someone in whom you can confide, knowing that you will not be judged or criticised and that your feelings and opinions are important.
What is Jointly and how could it help?
A useful tool that has helped many families share caring responsibilities is the app, Jointly. This app enables you to keep in touch with family and friends and keep up to date over the changing needs of those being cared for.
It’s a practical way of keeping track of tasks that need to be done and helpfully it can be a clear measure of the onus that may be upon one person’s shoulders in particular. You can sign up to use the app completely FREE. Visit the website and use the code #EFC2217
The family dynamic can also be challenging. It is hard not to feel upset or frustrated when you feel as though you are being left to it alone. If these feelings are building up, it’s important to seek support. See ‘Other family members don’t understand how much I’m doing’ on the Carers UK Website relationships page.
Meeting like-minded people
It’s also common to feel like you have lost your identity when you have been immersed in a caring role, especially over many years.
It might be helpful to list all the interests you enjoy, such as reading or writing, and see if you could join an online course or group to give yourself a break from your caring responsibilities, as well as a chance to know yourself again and meet others.
Carers UK run regular online Share and Learn sessions which provide a safe space to try out new activities from the comfort of your own home. They are free and range from dance and yoga to poetry and handicrafts, each led by a qualified instructor or facilitator.
To connect with other carers, many people find the Carers UK forum helpful as it can provide a source of support from people who know what you’re going through, as well as good ideas and recommendations if you have a query, concern or question. Some carers will also often know which pitfalls to avoid when you’re approaching a new situation. You can post on the forum as soon as you’ve signed up for Carers UK membership which is free.
Another way to meet other carers, is through local groups that are run by the Carers’ Support Service. We have a range of groups depending on where the person you care for lives.
Click here for groups for Carers caring for someone in North Lincolnshire
Click here for groups for Carers caring for someone in North East Lincolnshire
More opportunities are available to meet other Carers and are advertised in our latest Caring Times newsletter which you can find on our home page.
Opening up
If you’re going through a tough time, turn to kind and supportive people who will be there to help you through it. If none of your friends or family members are particularly good listeners or empathetic, turn to the Carers’ Support Service.
At Carers UK, they have trained Care Listening Volunteers who are here to offer emotional support through their Listening Support Service. Condition specific charities will also have helplines where you can talk to someone or offer services that can help you pair up with others to gain support and friendship.
Crossroads Together Carers Pen pal Scheme – write a letter or email to someone who understands first hand what you are going through.
Men in Sheds – A chance to get together with other men and focus on practical activities such as woodworking in a safe and welcoming space. Click here to find a shed.
The Women’s Institute (WI) – The WI is the largest women’s organisation in the UK and we pride ourselves on being a trusted place for all women of all generations, to share experiences and learn from each other.
Carers UK online meet up groups – Carers UK offer a range of online meetups for carers to connect, share experiences and enjoy relaxing activities
The Carers’ Support Service have groups across North and North East Lincolnshire
Live Well – North Lincolnshire – Find groups and other support and activities
Simply Connect – North East Lincolnshire – Find a group in North East Lincs
OnePlusOne provides resources and services to help families and professionals tackle relationship issues early. It has a range of resources including information on getting help and support if you have a disabled child.
Relate provides relationship help for all sorts of people in all sorts of situations. It can support you whether you’re in a new relationship, in a long-term relationship, or not in a relationship at all. It can help you through major relationship crises to smaller issues that are perhaps making you unhappy.
Tavistock Relationships supports couples, individuals and families with their relationships including relationship support for parents of children with disability. Its services include a course on Living Together with Dementia.